As probably everyone who reads this blog knows, your current DRC President just turned 50 years old. What most of my friends also know is that shortly after hitting that milestone, I headed up to the Denver area to care for my daughter after yet another surgery. The combination of a major life milestone and time to think about it while I have time off from work to care for my daughter has led to some reflection, and when I have time for some reflection, a blog post is soon to follow. This blog is eventually about running….I promise.
Turning 50?!
What’s the big deal? Several of my friends in the Club have already crossed this milestone, and are doing great, if not better than ever. Victor Ruggierro completed the very grueling San Juan Solstice this year. Mike Manganello ran a terrific race at the Tor de tot 170k in Italy last fall. These guys and the other 50+ members of the Club inspire me to keep going and not be intimidated by what used to be considered as old for athletes.
Me and my good buddy (and fellow 50+ DRC member) Victor Ruggiero running the Contintental Divide Trail on my 50th birthday.
I think the main reason turning 50 has caused a lot of self reflection for me, something I usually try to avoid, is the last point in my life when I did so much self reflection was when I turned 40. Although I won’t go into the details of why, my life was not in a good place when I hit that milestone. At age 40 I had more debts than assets, my now ex-wife and I decided to separate, I was in a job with no retirement or health insurance benefits, I had very few friends in my relatively new home in Durango, and even my health was prematurely declining as I was overweight with high blood pressure and cholesterol. The one thing I felt good about was my relationship with my amazing daughter, but she was making plans to go away to college, and I knew that relationship would change significantly.
A much larger version of the author at age 40 (on the right).
Although the issues had been brewing for a few years, something about turning 40 made me think about where I was, and how far that was from where I should be. I knew I had to make changes across the board, from my career, my relationships, and most importantly to my health. When I was 41 I changed jobs, filed for divorce, moved, and dropped my daughter off at college in Denver. When I turned 42 I started running again regularly for the first time in almost 20 years.
Running led me to run the Durango Turkey Trot (still one of my favorite races in town), where I met the now first lady of DRC. She kicked my ass at the race, which was not surprising. I had just started running a few miles at a time on the River Trail and she had run the Kennebec Mountain Run a few months before. She told me she planned to do the Imogene Pass Run the next year and wanted to join the Durango Running Club to help train. I knew I had to step up my game if I wanted to keep up with her. Now at age 50, I’m in the best shape of my life physically, emotionally, and financially.
The author at age 45 with the First Lady at the Cedro Peak Trail Marathon in Tijeres, NM, where we finished 2nd and 3rd, respeectively.
So What?
Why should anybody that’s not related to me or a close friend care about any of this? I’m not sharing this story of my personal transformation to brag about it. The reality is that self improvement without using those improvements to help others is just selfish. When I was younger and just starting out raising my daughter and providing for my family my dad told me something I’ve never forgotten. He said that anybody my age can take care of themselves, but to really be a man, you have to also take care of others. I consider myself very lucky to have had my lifelong hero and role model instill such a positive form of masculinity in me from an early age. That said, as I’ve gotten older I think his message really applies to everyone, regardless of gender. Most able-bodied and able-minded Americans not born into poverty can take care of themselves, but the highest achievers among us aren’t those with the most money, biggest houses, and fanciest cars (or in Durango have the fanciest outdoor gear or the most followers on Strava), but those that provide the most help to those in need around them.
Back to My Daughter’s Surgery
My daughter is 26 years old and has had 16 surgeries already in her young life. Given the complications that have arisen from many of the procedures, I’ve come to dread these trips to Denver for another surgery. Nothing hurts more than seeing her suffer. But perhaps due to the self-reflection above, I’ve been very grateful this time around. Grateful for how this surgery will improve her life. Grateful for my employer for providing 100% paid family medical leave so I can take time off work to care for her. Mostly, I’m grateful that I’m at a good enough place in my life that I can be there for her when she needs me the most. I’m grateful that I’ve found a healthy activity in running that I enjoy so much, and that through the process of trying to become a better runner, I’ve drastically improved my health. I’m grateful to have met so many great friends that also love this activity through the Durango Running Club. People that really support each other and the community.
So I encourage everyone to keep running, keep training, and keep taking care of yourself. Not to just do better at your next race, but to also stay healthy enough to care for others as well. Stay both intrinsically and extrinsically motivated. One thing I’ve observed with all the hospital visits associated with my daughter’s surgeries over the years, is that if we live long enough, each of us will also need taking care of at some point. When that time comes, you will feel much better about it if you know you’ve already paid it forward.
My daughter at the Garden of the Gods, which we visited this past Father’s Day. Luckily we get to have fun sometimes too and not just recover from surgery.